HOT day today =.=, work ain't that stressing anymore, finally got everything organized.
Today's topic "forgive me"
I never fail to think about her everyday when we're together or when we're apart. Seriusly, when i was neglecting her, i was also thinking of her tho not as much. Today i thought about how i always let other ppl pick her up and bring her everywhere. When i'm in the office working. Even tho i know that i can finished my work on time, even tho i knew that i should've spent at least a little time with her, it'll make her happy, i didn't... Really, i should've done better than that *sigh*
I was told by her today that i am a boring friend. Gotta admit that. I've been asking questions which i already knew the answer to. Tho the beginning was a nice chat. She was angry becos my sister said something again this time. Oh well, what happened, happened u know, nothing much i can do about it cept to make it better in the future.
Anyways, back to where she said i'm a boring friend. I dunno how to treat her as just a friend after 3 years plus of being together and everything. She should have known. All i know is how to treat her as someone i love alot. How to treat her good and how i can take care of her and stuff.. oh well.
Today i've stopped calling her "baby" when we're chatting. I heard that she doesn't like it when i call her that, since we're not together and all. I guess i should respect that. I hope its alrite to call her baby here tho, since she wont know, i guess it wouldn't hurt. Its hard really, there are times when i wanna call out "baby" but i had to pull back my hands and stuff just so i can think before i type anything =.=|||
Anyway, the topic today is just as it says:
Baby, forgive me for the times i've hurt you.
Forgive me for the times i left u alone.
Forgive me for the times i wasn't there when u needed me.
Forgive me for being a jerk sometimes.
Forgive me for always wanting to win in a quarrel with you.
Forgive me for not being considerate.
Forgive me for not being understanding.
Forgive me for my lack of care for you.
Forgive me for making you doubt me.
Forgive me for not taking what u said seriusly sometimes.
and most of all,
Forgive me baby, for always realizing only when its too late.
I love you...
152 <3
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Verse 12 - Loving is forgiving
Funny how i never thought of this word before "loving is forgiving". Everytime i quarrel with her, i always thought that she wasn't understanding and everything, that i never realized that i should just let her win since she's the one i love so much. They say relationships are never fair, u must let the girl win, becos u love her. I guess i was really too focus on being "fair" that i didn't realize that all she hoped for is just for me to shut the hell up and hug her...
Today was a fine day overall aside from the little chat with her. I reached home early, the way she wanted, and deleted wat she told me to... i guess i've really calmed down and realized what my real objectives are.
My Objectives:
1. she's the only person i'll love, and if i have to give her up just so she'll be happy, i'll do so even if it's the hardest thing to do.
2. i've gotta concerntrate on my career nevertheless, just in case when she comes back, i'll have the ability to take care of her, to get her wat she wanted.
3. i'm to become the most understanding, the most caring future husband.
well... i guess that is it.
baby, dun worry anymore, i know what u mean when u say u no feel for me le...
i guess there's nothing much i can do,
I hope u'll come back again baby laopo...
152 <3
Today was a fine day overall aside from the little chat with her. I reached home early, the way she wanted, and deleted wat she told me to... i guess i've really calmed down and realized what my real objectives are.
My Objectives:
1. she's the only person i'll love, and if i have to give her up just so she'll be happy, i'll do so even if it's the hardest thing to do.
2. i've gotta concerntrate on my career nevertheless, just in case when she comes back, i'll have the ability to take care of her, to get her wat she wanted.
3. i'm to become the most understanding, the most caring future husband.
well... i guess that is it.
baby, dun worry anymore, i know what u mean when u say u no feel for me le...
i guess there's nothing much i can do,
I hope u'll come back again baby laopo...
152 <3
Verse 11 - Pain i deserved
Chatted with her today, about something she wants me to delete. She said that since we're not together anymore, better just delete it.
At one point, i hesitated cos i was thinking, what if we got together again? But i guess in the end, i ended up deleting it =.=.
We had yet another painful conversation today. Well, painful for me anyways. I saw it coming actually, guess i deserve it too after all the things i've put her through. heh, this reminds me of the song by Akon - Be with you "and no one knows the things we've been through, can never measure up to half of what i put u through".
She said she dun feel for me anymore, that she's not happy with me, that our personalities aren't matching, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I dunno what i can reply her... so maybe here i can say it?
We've been together for 3 years plus just to say we aren't meant for each other.
The person who made you cry, is the one that can make you laugh again.
The person who made you laugh is the one that can give u happiness.
We've been through so much, changed so much, just so that in the end, we can give up and say we dun match...
I understand that she's tired u know... tired of worrying tired of being hurt.
Would i really do those to the person i love most intentionally?
In the conversation between me and her, i can feel that she's very angry at me. Enuff to say that she hates me for treating her the way i did.
At the same time, maybe, angry at me for always noticing only when its too late...
I dunno what else to say, i dunno how else i can convince her to come back this time around. I really wanted to show her what our new relationship will be like. I really wanted to make everything up to her again.
Its like, what i say, it doesn't get through to her. Understandable really. Before i chase her back that time, i told her that things would be different, i dunno maybe to her things are still the same? But i never bought anyone a ring before u know, this might be a tiny prove that things aren't the same as before rite?
I dunno to her a ring has what meaning in it, but to me its something so important that i would never thought of buying for anyone other then the one i wanna spent my life taking care of... haii... baby, where are u now? =(
She keeps saying that she dun have the feel towards me anymore. That i'm not the type of guy she wants to be with. But we've been together for 3 years plus just to end up here today saying all these.... *sigh* She even told me that she likes someone else already and asked me to move on.... =(
It hurts really, hurts alot... but what can i do? i dun have the rights to complain since this all started becos of me. I know i've hurt her quite deep by neglecting her, maybe this is punishment then? i dunno...
If this really is punishment, i would gladly take all the pain for myself if she would come back in the end...
baby, how i miss u so...
152 <3
At one point, i hesitated cos i was thinking, what if we got together again? But i guess in the end, i ended up deleting it =.=.
We had yet another painful conversation today. Well, painful for me anyways. I saw it coming actually, guess i deserve it too after all the things i've put her through. heh, this reminds me of the song by Akon - Be with you "and no one knows the things we've been through, can never measure up to half of what i put u through".
She said she dun feel for me anymore, that she's not happy with me, that our personalities aren't matching, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I dunno what i can reply her... so maybe here i can say it?
We've been together for 3 years plus just to say we aren't meant for each other.
The person who made you cry, is the one that can make you laugh again.
The person who made you laugh is the one that can give u happiness.
We've been through so much, changed so much, just so that in the end, we can give up and say we dun match...
I understand that she's tired u know... tired of worrying tired of being hurt.
Would i really do those to the person i love most intentionally?
In the conversation between me and her, i can feel that she's very angry at me. Enuff to say that she hates me for treating her the way i did.
At the same time, maybe, angry at me for always noticing only when its too late...
I dunno what else to say, i dunno how else i can convince her to come back this time around. I really wanted to show her what our new relationship will be like. I really wanted to make everything up to her again.
Its like, what i say, it doesn't get through to her. Understandable really. Before i chase her back that time, i told her that things would be different, i dunno maybe to her things are still the same? But i never bought anyone a ring before u know, this might be a tiny prove that things aren't the same as before rite?
I dunno to her a ring has what meaning in it, but to me its something so important that i would never thought of buying for anyone other then the one i wanna spent my life taking care of... haii... baby, where are u now? =(
She keeps saying that she dun have the feel towards me anymore. That i'm not the type of guy she wants to be with. But we've been together for 3 years plus just to end up here today saying all these.... *sigh* She even told me that she likes someone else already and asked me to move on.... =(
It hurts really, hurts alot... but what can i do? i dun have the rights to complain since this all started becos of me. I know i've hurt her quite deep by neglecting her, maybe this is punishment then? i dunno...
If this really is punishment, i would gladly take all the pain for myself if she would come back in the end...
baby, how i miss u so...
152 <3
Monday, 28 September 2009
Verse 10 - Everywhere i go...
Its gonna be another short post again today. Woke up around 10 and had to send my grandma to a salon. At 12, me and my fren went to the gym. Today was a long workout till 4pm. Did some treadmill, situps, chest workout and swimming.
Funny how small the world is. Today at gym, i bump into my collegue who worked with me at a cyber cafe in the past. She sure had slim down =.=, and i'm still.... well... still me =.=|||. Just found out that she joined a member with the gym today. I guess i wont have to depend on my fren for company anymore ^^.
I've never liked going to gym alone, and i never did went alone before, so before i go to gym, i'll have to check with my fren to see if he's up for it. Like i said, guess not anymore ^^.
After gym, we went to GIANT supermarket, and BOOM =.= i thought of her again. Its like everywhere i go, i'll sure think of her... We've been to GIANT together and it was like, well, husband and wife, shopping for some stuff and sometimes, it was like bf and gf going here and there, doesn't matter as long as we're together... =.= missed her so much *sigh*
After GIANT, we went to HUA HO, and there it is again, an image of her by my side, clinging to me at all time. *sigh* i really wish i had her right there and then. I would get her watever she wanted this time for sure.
When i thought back, i really negelected her alot =.= no wonder she's so pissed off, or her feelings fade, watever, guess i wasn't really being a bf at all.
There are stuff which she wanted but, its either i really couldn't get it for her, or i'm lazy to get it for her =.=... But hey, dun blame me yet u know, cos i was really saving up for her ring. One by one la.... haiii... i'm not a millionaire yet u know.
I've told her alot of times that i'll get her wat she wanted, and it never delivers. No wonder she left =.=
I haven't been chatting with her recently, i dunno, i just dunno what to say. I'm afraid that if i chat with her all the time, she'll treat me more and more as a fren, and maybe she wont even miss me at all =.=.
Oh yea, today is sunday. *sigh* its suppose to be our day together...
Ah well, i dunno whatelse i can say but i love her more than anything.
152 <3
Funny how small the world is. Today at gym, i bump into my collegue who worked with me at a cyber cafe in the past. She sure had slim down =.=, and i'm still.... well... still me =.=|||. Just found out that she joined a member with the gym today. I guess i wont have to depend on my fren for company anymore ^^.
I've never liked going to gym alone, and i never did went alone before, so before i go to gym, i'll have to check with my fren to see if he's up for it. Like i said, guess not anymore ^^.
After gym, we went to GIANT supermarket, and BOOM =.= i thought of her again. Its like everywhere i go, i'll sure think of her... We've been to GIANT together and it was like, well, husband and wife, shopping for some stuff and sometimes, it was like bf and gf going here and there, doesn't matter as long as we're together... =.= missed her so much *sigh*
After GIANT, we went to HUA HO, and there it is again, an image of her by my side, clinging to me at all time. *sigh* i really wish i had her right there and then. I would get her watever she wanted this time for sure.
When i thought back, i really negelected her alot =.= no wonder she's so pissed off, or her feelings fade, watever, guess i wasn't really being a bf at all.
There are stuff which she wanted but, its either i really couldn't get it for her, or i'm lazy to get it for her =.=... But hey, dun blame me yet u know, cos i was really saving up for her ring. One by one la.... haiii... i'm not a millionaire yet u know.
I've told her alot of times that i'll get her wat she wanted, and it never delivers. No wonder she left =.=
I haven't been chatting with her recently, i dunno, i just dunno what to say. I'm afraid that if i chat with her all the time, she'll treat me more and more as a fren, and maybe she wont even miss me at all =.=.
Oh yea, today is sunday. *sigh* its suppose to be our day together...
Ah well, i dunno whatelse i can say but i love her more than anything.
152 <3
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Verse 9 - Hao ma?
Today was a fine day for me i guess. Xing li you yi dian shuan shuan de gan jue... dun ask me why =.=
Its gonna be a very short post today tho, since i've already made up my mind on what i should do before and after.
Just wanna have the chance to say this to her, but i guess its still a long way to go:
"Baby, dui bu chi, wo shang hai dau ni, shean zai, ni yea shang hai dau wo ler... ta ping ba hao ma? ba yi chian de dou wang le ta, wo men chong xin lai guo hao ma?"
Oh well, saying it out here is better then saying it to her right now =.= at least my blog wont reject me =.=|||
So, what have i learn today?
Well, only one thing tho, know how to differs between her joke and seriusness =.=... it can be quite confusing sometimes. Sometimes her joke aint really a joke and if you find that out, its gonna hurt. *sigh* BUT that goes the same for me too i suppose... lol... fair la.. haii =.=
When are u coming back baby?
*silences*
152 <3
Its gonna be a very short post today tho, since i've already made up my mind on what i should do before and after.
Just wanna have the chance to say this to her, but i guess its still a long way to go:
"Baby, dui bu chi, wo shang hai dau ni, shean zai, ni yea shang hai dau wo ler... ta ping ba hao ma? ba yi chian de dou wang le ta, wo men chong xin lai guo hao ma?"
Oh well, saying it out here is better then saying it to her right now =.= at least my blog wont reject me =.=|||
So, what have i learn today?
Well, only one thing tho, know how to differs between her joke and seriusness =.=... it can be quite confusing sometimes. Sometimes her joke aint really a joke and if you find that out, its gonna hurt. *sigh* BUT that goes the same for me too i suppose... lol... fair la.. haii =.=
When are u coming back baby?
*silences*
152 <3
Saturday, 26 September 2009
Verse 8 - Finally cried
I was randomly thinking about stuff just now, and tears just rushed down my cheeks. I have no idea why, maybe becos of all the pressure i had.
I was thinking, did baby felt this way too?
All the work i've been doing + the feeling of not having my baby around + the feeling of chasing back my baby + i dunno.. alot of other things.
Now i know what it felt like when she needed me and i wasn't there.
How i wish she was here now to share these feelings of mine...
Everything's in a mess, work is a mess, its giving me pressure, my love life is a mess, she's not here to support me, all she wants is freedom right now, i couldn't give up on her, but she's already saying that she dun love me, she wanted to be single and that she wasn't thinking of me at all and stuff. What should i do really? i dunno, i've never cried this hard in my life for quite sometimes now... Everything is just so wrong.
I recalled the day when she said i was lying to her. I didn't lie, i really did left my car keys in my fren's car and was waiting for him to turn around in a shopping complex near by. But i dun blame her for doubting me cos i know she loves me alot. Too much that got her so scared of loosing me. I understand those feelings and i should really let her enjoy herself right now and treat her better if there ever was a time we're together again.
The reasons for my tears are really unknown to me. I guess i need time alone to organize things again. Its really suffocating and i dun think i've ever experienced this feeling before.
Right now the only person i wan by my side is already gone, i guess i had to imagine she was here just to comfort myself... *sigh* really *sigh*....
Somehow i had the feeling that i dun have any chance in getting her back anymore. Are all the things that me and her been through going down the dump? i dunno, i dun wish to think further, maybe this is one cause of my tears, but wtheck, i dun wanna think further...
I felt very "bu gan yen" sometimes, but a girl once told me "ni yao bu gan yen hai shi ni yao ai ta?"... ofcos wo ai ta...
And a different girl told me "ru guo ta zhen de ai ni de hua, ta bu ying gai wei le zhe zian xiao shi ching er li kai ni", but this girl didn't know how wrong i was 1st...
haiii.... i really dunno what the hell i'm talking about, what my main point was to all this. I guess this is it for now... I feel alot better as usual blogging it out.
152 <3
I was thinking, did baby felt this way too?
All the work i've been doing + the feeling of not having my baby around + the feeling of chasing back my baby + i dunno.. alot of other things.
Now i know what it felt like when she needed me and i wasn't there.
How i wish she was here now to share these feelings of mine...
Everything's in a mess, work is a mess, its giving me pressure, my love life is a mess, she's not here to support me, all she wants is freedom right now, i couldn't give up on her, but she's already saying that she dun love me, she wanted to be single and that she wasn't thinking of me at all and stuff. What should i do really? i dunno, i've never cried this hard in my life for quite sometimes now... Everything is just so wrong.
I recalled the day when she said i was lying to her. I didn't lie, i really did left my car keys in my fren's car and was waiting for him to turn around in a shopping complex near by. But i dun blame her for doubting me cos i know she loves me alot. Too much that got her so scared of loosing me. I understand those feelings and i should really let her enjoy herself right now and treat her better if there ever was a time we're together again.
The reasons for my tears are really unknown to me. I guess i need time alone to organize things again. Its really suffocating and i dun think i've ever experienced this feeling before.
Right now the only person i wan by my side is already gone, i guess i had to imagine she was here just to comfort myself... *sigh* really *sigh*....
Somehow i had the feeling that i dun have any chance in getting her back anymore. Are all the things that me and her been through going down the dump? i dunno, i dun wish to think further, maybe this is one cause of my tears, but wtheck, i dun wanna think further...
I felt very "bu gan yen" sometimes, but a girl once told me "ni yao bu gan yen hai shi ni yao ai ta?"... ofcos wo ai ta...
And a different girl told me "ru guo ta zhen de ai ni de hua, ta bu ying gai wei le zhe zian xiao shi ching er li kai ni", but this girl didn't know how wrong i was 1st...
haiii.... i really dunno what the hell i'm talking about, what my main point was to all this. I guess this is it for now... I feel alot better as usual blogging it out.
152 <3
Verse 7 - Me1 and Me2 (crazy)
I was thinking to myself, will i ever get another chance?
I mean i've realized that i've hurt her, but hey, why couldn't she trust me a little while longer... *sigh*
Me1: If i had another chance, i'll make everything rite.
Me2: That's what u said the last time, look at what happened?
Me1: I know, i know, but this time its different.
Me2: U said that the last time too.
Me1: I dunno what to say...
Me2: I'm sorry but i guess u're not getting ur chance.
Me1: ..... maybe, but i'll try no matter what. I know somehow that last time i did change and i got knock off track again that's all.
Me2: What if the same thing happens this time?
Me1: It wont, i'll make sure it wont.
Me2: U said that the last timeeee...
Me1: I know, i know, i can't guarantee that we'll not quarrel in the future, but i'll let her win at times... i know what i should do, and i really have learn my mistakes. So please, give me one more chance.
Me2: Oh wtheck, i'm not the one whom's gonna give u another chance u know, just make sure u treat her well if u ever got her back.
Me1: =.= ........... *sigh*
Me1: That i can promise you. I hope she'll come back and see the difference this time around.
I know i'm going crazy, listen to the songs below u'll know =.=|||
I believe that if my heart for her is true, one day she'll come back..
What if she doesn't u say?
Well, i've never thought of that before... I guess i'll never think about it. Getting her back is what i want. There should be no negative thinking i guess...
Anyways, here are 2 songs that describe what i'm feeling these days. Both are by N'sync.
"Thinking of you"
Lying in your arms
So close together
Didnt know just what I had
Now I toss and turn
Cause Im without you
How Im missing you so bad
Where was my head?
Where was my heart?
Now I cry alone in the dark
I lay awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you
Made a mistake
When I let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do
I was such a fool
I couldnt see it
Just how good you were to me
You confessed your love
Undying devotion
I confessed my need to be free
And now Im left
With all this pain
I only got myself to blame
(chorus)
Why didnt I know
(how much I loved you baby)
Why couldnt show it
(if I had only told you)
When I had the chance
Oh I had the chance
"This i Promise you"
When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along..
And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you
I've loved you forever,
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never...
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart (give you my heart)
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow,
Forever has now begun...
Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you..
This I promise you..
Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)
When I hear you call
Without you in my life baby
I just wouldn't be living at all...
And I will take (I will take you in my arms)
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you baby
Just close your eyes
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you...
Come back soon baby....
152 <3
I mean i've realized that i've hurt her, but hey, why couldn't she trust me a little while longer... *sigh*
Me1: If i had another chance, i'll make everything rite.
Me2: That's what u said the last time, look at what happened?
Me1: I know, i know, but this time its different.
Me2: U said that the last time too.
Me1: I dunno what to say...
Me2: I'm sorry but i guess u're not getting ur chance.
Me1: ..... maybe, but i'll try no matter what. I know somehow that last time i did change and i got knock off track again that's all.
Me2: What if the same thing happens this time?
Me1: It wont, i'll make sure it wont.
Me2: U said that the last timeeee...
Me1: I know, i know, i can't guarantee that we'll not quarrel in the future, but i'll let her win at times... i know what i should do, and i really have learn my mistakes. So please, give me one more chance.
Me2: Oh wtheck, i'm not the one whom's gonna give u another chance u know, just make sure u treat her well if u ever got her back.
Me1: =.= ........... *sigh*
Me1: That i can promise you. I hope she'll come back and see the difference this time around.
I know i'm going crazy, listen to the songs below u'll know =.=|||
I believe that if my heart for her is true, one day she'll come back..
What if she doesn't u say?
Well, i've never thought of that before... I guess i'll never think about it. Getting her back is what i want. There should be no negative thinking i guess...
Anyways, here are 2 songs that describe what i'm feeling these days. Both are by N'sync.
"Thinking of you"
Lying in your arms
So close together
Didnt know just what I had
Now I toss and turn
Cause Im without you
How Im missing you so bad
Where was my head?
Where was my heart?
Now I cry alone in the dark
I lay awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you
Made a mistake
When I let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do
I was such a fool
I couldnt see it
Just how good you were to me
You confessed your love
Undying devotion
I confessed my need to be free
And now Im left
With all this pain
I only got myself to blame
(chorus)
Why didnt I know
(how much I loved you baby)
Why couldnt show it
(if I had only told you)
When I had the chance
Oh I had the chance
"This i Promise you"
When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along..
And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you
I've loved you forever,
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never...
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart (give you my heart)
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow,
Forever has now begun...
Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you..
This I promise you..
Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)
When I hear you call
Without you in my life baby
I just wouldn't be living at all...
And I will take (I will take you in my arms)
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you baby
Just close your eyes
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you...
Come back soon baby....
152 <3
Friday, 25 September 2009
Verse 6 - Lesson learnt
Get to hear her voice today. I was emo as always, specially when i am talking to her and knowing that she's not my girl anymore. I was afraid of alot of things, ridiculous things i guess.
She said that she has enuff troubles already and asked me not to pressure her more. Maybe she didn't get what the whole conversation was about? i dunno... i just wanted her to know that, i understand, she wanted to be single and have fun, she dun wanna go back to those days where she had to worry about our relationship.
She said she was suffocating being with me and wasn't happy at all. I disagree to that, cos i know, i've seen her smile, hear her laughter alot of time when we're together... I dunno what happen to us, maybe becos there are alot of sad times as well.
I really wanted to change all that. She told me that i wasn't the one she wanted to marry in the future. She dun see any changes when we're together. I disagree tho i didn't say much, maybe i couldn't as she was already very suffocating.
I realize now what blogs are about, its a diary yes, but i've never tried writing down before. It actually releases alot of stress in ur mind. Aside from that, you get to be true to yourself, u get to write down how u truely feel, write down what u truely wanted to say without messing it out.
I just wanna say this:
Baby, i know u're suffocating, i know, thus i tried to make it better for u. But i was too late. You told me before that u really wanted to marry me, that's why i disagree to what u said today. I understand why u're having doubts, and i understand why u're saying no. That's why until now, i couldn't let u go...
I know exactly how i should treat u, but i was too lazy to bother when i have u around, i thought that u should be understanding and everything and i never realize that i should be the one being understanding at certain time. I should know better...
You say that i never change, but you didn't realize the changes that's been made already.
You say its not easy to change, then so you should know that it takes time.
You say why so xing ku, i guess i should really tell you, i never regreted changing for you.
Xing ku or not, its something that i must do to be a better person, to be a better husband in the future. My thoughts will always be the same, if there's a problem with my attitude, i'll proudly change for you.
Maybe you are still abit young to understand, that changes are what makes this relationship advance to the next level.
Its been a long time since i was sweet to you huh? u gave me so much hints and even told me up front and u thought i ignored it. I didn't baby, i didn't, i was really planning already, i just needed to save up 1st in order to get u the things that u'd love.
I know everything can be different after that surprise, but sadly it never happened. Maybe you are rite, maybe zhen de shi you yuan mei fen.
-end-
Before i hung up the fon with her, i told her to keep the ring safely, cos one day, i'll put it on her finger formally, one day wo men yuan fen yi ding hui zai lai.
She said she wanted to buy a fon "sony ericsson w508" but the color she wanted "white" was out of stock already in most shops. She almost gave up trying to look for it =.= *well that's the way she is...
Ended up, me looking all over for it. I know i haven't been a good bf to her for quite sometimes, this is one thing i really wanna do for her, maybe its a start of everything that i should do for her from now on. If it weren't for this break up, i might never have realize the mistakes i made, and i might never had thought of taking care of her properly in the future. All i know is, thinking that she should be the one understanding, never thought that i should be understanding at times as well... regrets filled this heart of mine now, and i swore never to let it happen again.
In the end, i found the fon she was looking for and abit of complication turned up. I dun even have the heart to quarrel with her anymore, cos i know her too well by now. Like i said, i know exactly how to treat her, but i couldn't be bothered when i'm with her. A lesson learnt indeed.
Went to gym, and after that, hand it to her personally outside her house. I said she look like a tomboy tho, hahaha didn't know where that came from =.= who am i kidding rite, she looked very feminine to me =.= really wanted to give her a kiss on the cheek before going, but her frens are around... wtheck, i guess she wouldn't let me either *sigh*
Ah well, i guess that's about it for today. I'll never forget the lesson i've learn today:
I learn that seeing her happy was the only thing i wanted.
I learn that i was suffocating her alot and its not what she should be feeling right now.
I learn that she has alot of personal problems which i never had the chance to even share with her.
I learn that i should do a better job as a boyfriend.
I learn that i should never had treated her the way i didn't intended to, now she dun see me as a person she wants to live with anymore =.=
I learn that if i want her to see how i really wanted to treat her, i should start now, not when i got her back.
I learn that she doesn't wanna take the risk of going back to where she had to be worried all the time and being hurt by words i said wrongly.
I learn that it is ok if we're apart, I'll be her guardian angel.
And i finally learn and understood the words "yuan fen" and "zi hui".
I never believe that moving on was the answer to everything. There's something that held us together for 3 and a half years and i believe that by learning the mistakes, we can treat each other better.
We've really been through alot, and from day 1 till now, there are dramatic changes. Its such a waste to just stop here now. Specially when there's only one step left to take.
There's no guarantee that we won't quarrel in the future as well, i mean, which couples never quarrel rite? Those that never did, never lasted long anyways =.=.
But i'll make the happy days more than the sad days from now on, just u all watch.
gd nite ppl,
152 <3
She said that she has enuff troubles already and asked me not to pressure her more. Maybe she didn't get what the whole conversation was about? i dunno... i just wanted her to know that, i understand, she wanted to be single and have fun, she dun wanna go back to those days where she had to worry about our relationship.
She said she was suffocating being with me and wasn't happy at all. I disagree to that, cos i know, i've seen her smile, hear her laughter alot of time when we're together... I dunno what happen to us, maybe becos there are alot of sad times as well.
I really wanted to change all that. She told me that i wasn't the one she wanted to marry in the future. She dun see any changes when we're together. I disagree tho i didn't say much, maybe i couldn't as she was already very suffocating.
I realize now what blogs are about, its a diary yes, but i've never tried writing down before. It actually releases alot of stress in ur mind. Aside from that, you get to be true to yourself, u get to write down how u truely feel, write down what u truely wanted to say without messing it out.
I just wanna say this:
Baby, i know u're suffocating, i know, thus i tried to make it better for u. But i was too late. You told me before that u really wanted to marry me, that's why i disagree to what u said today. I understand why u're having doubts, and i understand why u're saying no. That's why until now, i couldn't let u go...
I know exactly how i should treat u, but i was too lazy to bother when i have u around, i thought that u should be understanding and everything and i never realize that i should be the one being understanding at certain time. I should know better...
You say that i never change, but you didn't realize the changes that's been made already.
You say its not easy to change, then so you should know that it takes time.
You say why so xing ku, i guess i should really tell you, i never regreted changing for you.
Xing ku or not, its something that i must do to be a better person, to be a better husband in the future. My thoughts will always be the same, if there's a problem with my attitude, i'll proudly change for you.
Maybe you are still abit young to understand, that changes are what makes this relationship advance to the next level.
Its been a long time since i was sweet to you huh? u gave me so much hints and even told me up front and u thought i ignored it. I didn't baby, i didn't, i was really planning already, i just needed to save up 1st in order to get u the things that u'd love.
I know everything can be different after that surprise, but sadly it never happened. Maybe you are rite, maybe zhen de shi you yuan mei fen.
-end-
Before i hung up the fon with her, i told her to keep the ring safely, cos one day, i'll put it on her finger formally, one day wo men yuan fen yi ding hui zai lai.
She said she wanted to buy a fon "sony ericsson w508" but the color she wanted "white" was out of stock already in most shops. She almost gave up trying to look for it =.= *well that's the way she is...
Ended up, me looking all over for it. I know i haven't been a good bf to her for quite sometimes, this is one thing i really wanna do for her, maybe its a start of everything that i should do for her from now on. If it weren't for this break up, i might never have realize the mistakes i made, and i might never had thought of taking care of her properly in the future. All i know is, thinking that she should be the one understanding, never thought that i should be understanding at times as well... regrets filled this heart of mine now, and i swore never to let it happen again.
In the end, i found the fon she was looking for and abit of complication turned up. I dun even have the heart to quarrel with her anymore, cos i know her too well by now. Like i said, i know exactly how to treat her, but i couldn't be bothered when i'm with her. A lesson learnt indeed.
Went to gym, and after that, hand it to her personally outside her house. I said she look like a tomboy tho, hahaha didn't know where that came from =.= who am i kidding rite, she looked very feminine to me =.= really wanted to give her a kiss on the cheek before going, but her frens are around... wtheck, i guess she wouldn't let me either *sigh*
Ah well, i guess that's about it for today. I'll never forget the lesson i've learn today:
I learn that seeing her happy was the only thing i wanted.
I learn that i was suffocating her alot and its not what she should be feeling right now.
I learn that she has alot of personal problems which i never had the chance to even share with her.
I learn that i should do a better job as a boyfriend.
I learn that i should never had treated her the way i didn't intended to, now she dun see me as a person she wants to live with anymore =.=
I learn that if i want her to see how i really wanted to treat her, i should start now, not when i got her back.
I learn that she doesn't wanna take the risk of going back to where she had to be worried all the time and being hurt by words i said wrongly.
I learn that it is ok if we're apart, I'll be her guardian angel.
And i finally learn and understood the words "yuan fen" and "zi hui".
I never believe that moving on was the answer to everything. There's something that held us together for 3 and a half years and i believe that by learning the mistakes, we can treat each other better.
We've really been through alot, and from day 1 till now, there are dramatic changes. Its such a waste to just stop here now. Specially when there's only one step left to take.
There's no guarantee that we won't quarrel in the future as well, i mean, which couples never quarrel rite? Those that never did, never lasted long anyways =.=.
But i'll make the happy days more than the sad days from now on, just u all watch.
gd nite ppl,
152 <3
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Verse 5 - Troubles?
sigh* seems like my baby had another nose bleed. She got me worried all the time =.=.
I came to realize that our relationship was troubling her. Aside from that, she had some other troubles as well. Great* i feel very useless right now, can't believe i didn't realized this earlier.
What can i do if i realize?
Well, not much i suppose, but at least i'll be there most of the time to care for her, be a companion she can turn to. She still loves me that time, i can actually made a huge difference in her life... Argh! regrets aint gonna do anything good i guess. Lets see what i can cook up "indirectly" =.=
baby, i'm sorry, i should've paid more attention to you...
I should do a better job next time =.=|||
152 <3
I came to realize that our relationship was troubling her. Aside from that, she had some other troubles as well. Great* i feel very useless right now, can't believe i didn't realized this earlier.
What can i do if i realize?
Well, not much i suppose, but at least i'll be there most of the time to care for her, be a companion she can turn to. She still loves me that time, i can actually made a huge difference in her life... Argh! regrets aint gonna do anything good i guess. Lets see what i can cook up "indirectly" =.=
baby, i'm sorry, i should've paid more attention to you...
I should do a better job next time =.=|||
152 <3
Verse 4 - Wanna make up right now
A song that i once used to listen to 24/7. It was during the time when i tried everything to have her back in my arms again. Baby, come back soon, let me share ur problems with you. This time, i'll make everything right... *sigh* dunno how many times i have to repeat... =(
"Right Now (Na Na Na)"
[Verse 1]
Its been so long (long, long)
That I haven't seen your face
I'm trying be strong (strong)
But the strength I have is washing away (way)
It wont be long (long)
Before I get you by my side
And just hold you, tease you, squeeze you
Tell you whats been on my mind
[Chorus:]
I wanna make up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
Wish we never broke up right now (na na)
We need to link up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
Wish we never broke up right now (na na)
We need to link up right now (na na)
[Verse 2]
Girl I know (know, know)
Mistakes were made between us two
And we show (show)
Ourselves that night, even said some things weren't true.
Why'd you go? (go)
I haven't seen my girl since then (then)
Why can't it be that way it was?
Cause you were my homie, lover, and friend
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
I can't lie (I miss you much)
Watching everyday that goes by (I miss you much)
Until I get you back I'm gonna try (yes, I miss you much)
Cause you are the apple of my eye (girl, I miss you much, I miss you much)
I can't lie (I miss you much)
Watching everyday that goes by (I miss you much)
Until I get you back I'm gonna try (yes, I miss you much)
Cause you are the apple of my eye (girl, I miss you much, I miss you much)
[Chorus]
[Verse 4]
I want you to fly with me (want you to fly)
I miss how you lie with me (miss how you lie)
Just wish you could dine with me (wish you could dine with me)
The one that'll grind with me (said, that that'll grind with me)
I want you to fly with me (want you to fly)
I miss how you lie with me (Oh, miss how you lie)
Just wish you could dine with me (wish you could dine)
The one that'll grind with me (Oh, one that'll grind)
Yeah!
[Chorus]
I wanna make up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na) (make up) (Oh)
Wish we never broke up right now (na na)
We need to link up right now (na na) (live up, baby)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
Wish we never broke up right now (na na)
We need to link up right now (na na) (make up)
[Thanks to Katiee for these lyrics]
[Thanks to Misty, Irene for correcting these lyrics]
"Right Now (Na Na Na)"
[Verse 1]
Its been so long (long, long)
That I haven't seen your face
I'm trying be strong (strong)
But the strength I have is washing away (way)
It wont be long (long)
Before I get you by my side
And just hold you, tease you, squeeze you
Tell you whats been on my mind
[Chorus:]
I wanna make up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
Wish we never broke up right now (na na)
We need to link up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
Wish we never broke up right now (na na)
We need to link up right now (na na)
[Verse 2]
Girl I know (know, know)
Mistakes were made between us two
And we show (show)
Ourselves that night, even said some things weren't true.
Why'd you go? (go)
I haven't seen my girl since then (then)
Why can't it be that way it was?
Cause you were my homie, lover, and friend
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
I can't lie (I miss you much)
Watching everyday that goes by (I miss you much)
Until I get you back I'm gonna try (yes, I miss you much)
Cause you are the apple of my eye (girl, I miss you much, I miss you much)
I can't lie (I miss you much)
Watching everyday that goes by (I miss you much)
Until I get you back I'm gonna try (yes, I miss you much)
Cause you are the apple of my eye (girl, I miss you much, I miss you much)
[Chorus]
[Verse 4]
I want you to fly with me (want you to fly)
I miss how you lie with me (miss how you lie)
Just wish you could dine with me (wish you could dine with me)
The one that'll grind with me (said, that that'll grind with me)
I want you to fly with me (want you to fly)
I miss how you lie with me (Oh, miss how you lie)
Just wish you could dine with me (wish you could dine)
The one that'll grind with me (Oh, one that'll grind)
Yeah!
[Chorus]
I wanna make up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na) (make up) (Oh)
Wish we never broke up right now (na na)
We need to link up right now (na na) (live up, baby)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
I wanna make up right now (na na)
Wish we never broke up right now (na na)
We need to link up right now (na na) (make up)
[Thanks to Katiee for these lyrics]
[Thanks to Misty, Irene for correcting these lyrics]
Verse 3 - Making a decision
Just got off chatting with her just now, she said thanks for the cookies and she only ate one piece. Reasons, she dun like it =.= ah well, at least she ate one rite. *sigh* who am i kidding, guess Attempts 01 was a failure.
The whole conversation was very weird. I chatted with her few days ago and she's alrite, but today, i dunno.. its back to the weird weird feeling again. Maybe she's trying to change who she is? or maybe she's just hiding something? or changing into a happier person perhaps? i dunno.. but watever it is, i'm not used to it at all.
Sometimes i wonder, did she leave me just so she could get closer to her guy frens? just so she could party here and there without worrying if i'm angry or not? i dunno, i never seem to have done that to her before tho... so what issit that i do that made her have to do this to me?
I'm not complaining about her party-ing but hey, she can always do it even if we're together. Its not as if i mind. I used to get jealous very easily, she dun like it. Now, i wont even get jealous, she still dun like it, complaining that i dun care about her anymore, i dun love her anymore, bla bla bla... =.=
I used to wonder how a girl can change so fast, and i'm feddup trying to find an answer.
I'm trying my best,
but you can't see,
the way u are now,
its killing me.
There are just so much things i can do together with her, like, going to the beach, bbq party, private clubing and stuff. I just didn't know she wants to. She used to say she hate the beach, she dun like bbq and stuff. She's just closed up when she's with me. Maybe she just wanted me but, i dunno...
There's this one time that she said her frens aren't like themselves when i'm around. That's why i sorta "beh ngam" with them. =.=||| ridiculous, though i find it quite true. Remembered the time when we had sushi together, me and her and her bunch of frens, i find it quite weird also, though i did try to find a topic to talk about. But hey, u dun expect me to be "Ehhhh,, wassup my man, how've u been? we should party sometimes yea?" when i'm still so new to them rite? wthell, we've never even got the chance to go out frequently yet =.=.
On the other hand, she can be ok with my frens, say e.g. shawn? Aywen? Ong? know why? cos i introduced, i made the topic, i was the one who made the mood not so "stranger" like. She contributed alot too though, being my girl and all. She was great.
I've made a decision, i should really stop contact with her, as long as she's healthy, happy and all, i guess i should be happy too. If there ever was a time she needs me, i'll be there for sure. I think this is the best way to avoid situation whereby i got hurt or got this weird weird feeling when i'm chatting with her. People say, if i love her, i should be able to endure the days without her. Seriusly, seeing her smile is what i wanted more than anything. Indirect contact is what i should do, yup yup ^^, baby like being single for now, then let her be single ba...
Don't even know if she still keep the heart-shaped box, but it didn't matter anymore i guess... she's right on one thing though... we'll never know what the future holds.
Till the day we're together again baby.
152 <3
The whole conversation was very weird. I chatted with her few days ago and she's alrite, but today, i dunno.. its back to the weird weird feeling again. Maybe she's trying to change who she is? or maybe she's just hiding something? or changing into a happier person perhaps? i dunno.. but watever it is, i'm not used to it at all.
Sometimes i wonder, did she leave me just so she could get closer to her guy frens? just so she could party here and there without worrying if i'm angry or not? i dunno, i never seem to have done that to her before tho... so what issit that i do that made her have to do this to me?
I'm not complaining about her party-ing but hey, she can always do it even if we're together. Its not as if i mind. I used to get jealous very easily, she dun like it. Now, i wont even get jealous, she still dun like it, complaining that i dun care about her anymore, i dun love her anymore, bla bla bla... =.=
I used to wonder how a girl can change so fast, and i'm feddup trying to find an answer.
I'm trying my best,
but you can't see,
the way u are now,
its killing me.
There are just so much things i can do together with her, like, going to the beach, bbq party, private clubing and stuff. I just didn't know she wants to. She used to say she hate the beach, she dun like bbq and stuff. She's just closed up when she's with me. Maybe she just wanted me but, i dunno...
There's this one time that she said her frens aren't like themselves when i'm around. That's why i sorta "beh ngam" with them. =.=||| ridiculous, though i find it quite true. Remembered the time when we had sushi together, me and her and her bunch of frens, i find it quite weird also, though i did try to find a topic to talk about. But hey, u dun expect me to be "Ehhhh,, wassup my man, how've u been? we should party sometimes yea?" when i'm still so new to them rite? wthell, we've never even got the chance to go out frequently yet =.=.
On the other hand, she can be ok with my frens, say e.g. shawn? Aywen? Ong? know why? cos i introduced, i made the topic, i was the one who made the mood not so "stranger" like. She contributed alot too though, being my girl and all. She was great.
I've made a decision, i should really stop contact with her, as long as she's healthy, happy and all, i guess i should be happy too. If there ever was a time she needs me, i'll be there for sure. I think this is the best way to avoid situation whereby i got hurt or got this weird weird feeling when i'm chatting with her. People say, if i love her, i should be able to endure the days without her. Seriusly, seeing her smile is what i wanted more than anything. Indirect contact is what i should do, yup yup ^^, baby like being single for now, then let her be single ba...
Don't even know if she still keep the heart-shaped box, but it didn't matter anymore i guess... she's right on one thing though... we'll never know what the future holds.
Till the day we're together again baby.
152 <3
Verse 2 - Attempts 01
Went to a shopping complex yesterday with a fren of mine. Was in a very depressed mood that day, no idea what happen. I thought about baby alot, but she seems to be enjoying herself, so i was kinda happy, but also not happy. She's been mixing around with some guy frens of hers. You know the feeling when u saw someone u love being so close to another guy? well i kinda had that feeling. I don't mind actually if we're still together and all, but this feeling just came automatically specially when knowing she's not mine anymore =.=||| in my mind i was thinking, why do i have to go through all this? did i make her go through all these? =.= life is unfair, gotta deal with it i guess.
Was walking around when i saw this heart shaped box and, what a coincidence, they're selling cookies =.=, great, it made me think of her directly since she's been craving for cookies at a certain time. So, i bought the heart shaped box and a pack of cookies. Now all that's left is how to hand it to her =.= her mom is back so i dunno, maybe its not that appropriate to go her house and stuff, did that before and i kinda regreted it in a sense. I was thinking while walking along with my fren asking him for some advice. He never had any good advices =.=. That was when we passed by a shop selling cloths. Me and her know the boss there so i kinda talked with the boss for awhile. As usual, she's very talkative =.= but i had to admit that some of the things she said is very meaningful since its an "experience" thing and all. At that point i knew that this is the best option to hand this gift to her. I told the boss that i wanna try to bring my ex back to me again and i asked if she could hand this gift to her. She asked "why dun u hand it to her urself?"... its not like i didn't ask myself that before. I just thought that she might not wanna see me or maybe i just dun wanna see her. The "no feeling" face of hers... =.= it's just heart breaking u know. So i asked the boss to sms her that there's a promotion or something jst so that she'll visit her store and that's about it i guess. Me and my fren left the shopping complex as i was very tired already and i'm not really in the mood, dun wanna affect my sensitive fren =.= he's always effected by my mood =.=.
Home, i got a call from the boss, she said she hand the gift to my ex already, i asked her what did my ex say? she said she didn't say anything, she's just beside her =.=||| wtheck... why call me when she's still beside you =.=. At that point, i really wanted to hear her voice again. I always thought back of the time i get to hug and kiss her =.= dam. In the end, the boss told me if i had any last word to say to her. I asked her to tell my ex that i love her and that's it i guess.
I really wonder if she still have me in her heart, but maybe she's right at one point, maybe i should just let her go. Its just very regretting that i didn't get to treat her the way i really wanted to. *sigh* i guess i'll never have that chance, but i'll keep trying till i finally give up.
Baby, when will u come back? can't u see how much i've missed u? why are u leaving me like this? did i really break your heart again this time? I've told her alot of times, that if there's a problem, we can always talk it out properly. If i'm not paying much attention, she could've reminded me. Though i also know that i should be more observant and remember without her reminding me =.=.. oh well... leave it for next time if there ever is a next time i guess.
As always baby,
i love you <3
Was walking around when i saw this heart shaped box and, what a coincidence, they're selling cookies =.=, great, it made me think of her directly since she's been craving for cookies at a certain time. So, i bought the heart shaped box and a pack of cookies. Now all that's left is how to hand it to her =.= her mom is back so i dunno, maybe its not that appropriate to go her house and stuff, did that before and i kinda regreted it in a sense. I was thinking while walking along with my fren asking him for some advice. He never had any good advices =.=. That was when we passed by a shop selling cloths. Me and her know the boss there so i kinda talked with the boss for awhile. As usual, she's very talkative =.= but i had to admit that some of the things she said is very meaningful since its an "experience" thing and all. At that point i knew that this is the best option to hand this gift to her. I told the boss that i wanna try to bring my ex back to me again and i asked if she could hand this gift to her. She asked "why dun u hand it to her urself?"... its not like i didn't ask myself that before. I just thought that she might not wanna see me or maybe i just dun wanna see her. The "no feeling" face of hers... =.= it's just heart breaking u know. So i asked the boss to sms her that there's a promotion or something jst so that she'll visit her store and that's about it i guess. Me and my fren left the shopping complex as i was very tired already and i'm not really in the mood, dun wanna affect my sensitive fren =.= he's always effected by my mood =.=.
Home, i got a call from the boss, she said she hand the gift to my ex already, i asked her what did my ex say? she said she didn't say anything, she's just beside her =.=||| wtheck... why call me when she's still beside you =.=. At that point, i really wanted to hear her voice again. I always thought back of the time i get to hug and kiss her =.= dam. In the end, the boss told me if i had any last word to say to her. I asked her to tell my ex that i love her and that's it i guess.
I really wonder if she still have me in her heart, but maybe she's right at one point, maybe i should just let her go. Its just very regretting that i didn't get to treat her the way i really wanted to. *sigh* i guess i'll never have that chance, but i'll keep trying till i finally give up.
Baby, when will u come back? can't u see how much i've missed u? why are u leaving me like this? did i really break your heart again this time? I've told her alot of times, that if there's a problem, we can always talk it out properly. If i'm not paying much attention, she could've reminded me. Though i also know that i should be more observant and remember without her reminding me =.=.. oh well... leave it for next time if there ever is a next time i guess.
As always baby,
i love you <3
Monday, 21 September 2009
Verse 1 - The Begining
We were chatting after 3 years, u blocked me for the most ridiculous reasons, haha. Remember me asking u your race, after telling me and me replying, u said "why? something bothering you? dun worry, i dun bite". Remembered the 1st time i asked u out was on valentine's day after days of chatting. I was 20 i guess and you 16. You told me your address and i have no idea where that is =.= so i kinda asked ur god bro for direction. He brought me directly to your house, i was feeling kinda nervous, dunno why. He said "u remember already? i aint bringing u here anymore u know" and i was like "erm... ok.. i think i got it". On the way out to a restaurant nearby, i sorta blured out, i think i forgot where ur house is =.=|||. knowing he aint gonna bring me for another, i just kept it to myself. Later that day after he sent me home, i drove out in search of your house again, luckily the road i took was the right one and i somehow got lost in a junction or 2, but i somehow manage to find ur house. I never tend to remember directions properly unless i'm driving, heh =.=. And wat's more surprising is that u lived so close by, guess we're fated eh?
Tomorrow is valentine's day, I've prepared the whole nite just for today. What to say, what to do, bla bla bla... but when i saw you, i was totally speechless =.= love at 1st sight maybe? i dunno, i dun really know until our movies together, when we talk to each other, when u bump into me and when u held my hands.
The day ends and i sent u back, hoping that we could spend a little more time together. I was almost out of your house's simpang when u smsed me that u have nothing to eat at home, "alrite this is my chance, its now or never", i picked u up again... we went to mamih and ur god bro joined in.
Remembered that i dun have a car of my own yet that time, my dad needed to use the car so i had to go home 1st and he sent me back to mamih afterwards where i join u and ur god bro again. I remember when ur god bro was sending me home 1st with you in the car. He made a joke asking me to chase after you. Like wtheck =.= i was already planning to do that and i somehow know that u'll accept too. But i dunno... its like, i'm certain you'll accept yet afraid that i might be wrong.
I said the silliest thing trying to get you as my girl didn't i.
The next day i proposed, u said yes and there, we're together. Everlasting 152<3 me and you.
Remembered how mad u were when i didn't hold your hand in yayasan ^^
And how your mood just came back once i held your hand =.=
We started out sweet like any other relationship. We made promises to each other, promises that's so hard to keep. I came to realize that words like "i'll be with you forever" means nothing at all. Though its nice to hear it, at least, we'll feel more secure. Remembered that i can't live without you and u can't live without me too. We steal a kiss every chance we get. So what happened? i wonder. I used to be afraid of loosing you that's why i put up with most of the shits u said. I guess it goes the same for you baby.
It was time for me to go further my studies outside. Did u know? that when i see u cry, i wished so much to stay, yet i cant, i just cant. Alot of things happened during the time i was overseas. I somehow got the courage to go against ur will. Guess i'm not so afraid of loosing you anymore baby. But becos of that, i was over confident and took advantage becos i knew u'll never leave me. Things got out of hand and u left me for another. Regrets, hate, doubts, hope, love, insecurity, trusts, etc, we felt that all during that time. U left me during the most critical time =.= when i knew that u're not mine anymore and that u had someone else, i sorta flunked my degree and rush back asap. That's when we 1st slapped each other =.=
2 months later i remember i sms u about something and u replied saying that u wanted to see me. U have no idea how happy i was. We got back together after sometime, but the things u did really left a deep mark in my heart. I was so focused on revenge and you had no rights at all in my heart. I treated u badly and even got another girl. I was glad i picked u in the end. But my way towards you haven't improve and you left once more.
During that time, I never realized that i would feel so horrible when u left again. I started chasing you back like a mad man. Put alot of effort in it just to get you back again. Didn't know that u'd actually come back. Made a promise never to mistreat u again.
We got together just fine for a few months until something came up again =.= guess i expected too much from you too fast. Scolding you with vulgar words, hurting you and i never realized it. You left again, and this time i guess this is it. Nevertheless, i still chase after u like crazy =.=||| gotta admit, if not for this break up, i would've never learn my lesson. During the months we were apart, i learn the biggest lesson in life and i wrote it down "the 30 days without my baby". Finding ways to improve myself in hope that u'll come back one day. Guess what, we got back together again after all the flowers, all the surprises... girl, you're hard to get back u know that? but its all worth it, to see ur smile, to hear ur voice, to have you by my side again.
We really did change ever since the 1st time we meet each other huh baby? i never used vulgar words against u anymore and you automatically changed ur temper for me. I was very happy being with you. Then things started happening again *urgh*. I guess i was too focus on my work trying to make a brighter future for both of us that i forgot about ur existence. Neglected you in a way and never realized that u're all alone at home. When u needed me i wasn't there. When i started realizing, preparing for the surprise of ur life, i was too late.
So here we are, apart from each other once more. My only regret was that i never get to treat u the way i should, the way u wanted. Guess the chances of getting you back are slimmer than before.
Its been 3 and a half year now haven't it baby? alot of happy memories and painful memories lingers in our heart and mind. Missed those days we use to laugh together, go out together and do things for each other. I've learn my lesson baby, would you give me another chance? *sigh*.... if i have the chance to do it all over again, it'll be so different.
Here's a song i've been listening to, dunno if there's any meaning to it for ya'll, but it sure is meaningful to me...
Akon - Keep You Much Longer
"Keep You Much Longer"
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could stop by
And maybe say hi
Wish I could jus stop by
And lay by your side
The tables have turned
And I've finally learned
That this is makin up for every day I was gone
And that's why I'm concerned
But now it's confirmed
That you spread your wings and learned to fly all alone
Darkness in the night
I'll find that light for you
As long as I got eyes
I'll have a sight for you
Long as I am alive baby I'd die for you
I wanna be with you
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could stop by
And maybe say hi
Wish I could jus stop by
And lay by your side
You're always on my mind
While I'm racin
While I'm paper chasin
You were there when I said one day I'd get up out that basement
Playin as my agent
For you, there's no replacement
You will always be my girl
And you can hold me on that statement
Darkness in the night
I'll find that light for you
As long as I got eyes
I'll have a sight for you
Long as I am alive baby I'd die for you
Wanna be with you
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could stop by
And maybe say hi
Wish I could jus stop by
And lay by your side
Baby I know you
And how we do
Doin exactly what I taught you
Gotta get that money first
Before you come spend that precious time with your boo
And I know I gotta just take it
Even though it's drivin me crazy
Always wanted to see my girl make it
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could keep you so much longer
Wish I could stop by
And maybe say "hi"
Wish I could jus stop by
And lay by your side
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could keep you baby
I just wanna keep you longer
How i wish to keep you longer in my arms. Waking with you by my side everyday. Eating together with you on every meals.
Come back soon baby, i miss u alot... <3
Tomorrow is valentine's day, I've prepared the whole nite just for today. What to say, what to do, bla bla bla... but when i saw you, i was totally speechless =.= love at 1st sight maybe? i dunno, i dun really know until our movies together, when we talk to each other, when u bump into me and when u held my hands.
The day ends and i sent u back, hoping that we could spend a little more time together. I was almost out of your house's simpang when u smsed me that u have nothing to eat at home, "alrite this is my chance, its now or never", i picked u up again... we went to mamih and ur god bro joined in.
Remembered that i dun have a car of my own yet that time, my dad needed to use the car so i had to go home 1st and he sent me back to mamih afterwards where i join u and ur god bro again. I remember when ur god bro was sending me home 1st with you in the car. He made a joke asking me to chase after you. Like wtheck =.= i was already planning to do that and i somehow know that u'll accept too. But i dunno... its like, i'm certain you'll accept yet afraid that i might be wrong.
I said the silliest thing trying to get you as my girl didn't i.
The next day i proposed, u said yes and there, we're together. Everlasting 152<3 me and you.
Remembered how mad u were when i didn't hold your hand in yayasan ^^
And how your mood just came back once i held your hand =.=
We started out sweet like any other relationship. We made promises to each other, promises that's so hard to keep. I came to realize that words like "i'll be with you forever" means nothing at all. Though its nice to hear it, at least, we'll feel more secure. Remembered that i can't live without you and u can't live without me too. We steal a kiss every chance we get. So what happened? i wonder. I used to be afraid of loosing you that's why i put up with most of the shits u said. I guess it goes the same for you baby.
It was time for me to go further my studies outside. Did u know? that when i see u cry, i wished so much to stay, yet i cant, i just cant. Alot of things happened during the time i was overseas. I somehow got the courage to go against ur will. Guess i'm not so afraid of loosing you anymore baby. But becos of that, i was over confident and took advantage becos i knew u'll never leave me. Things got out of hand and u left me for another. Regrets, hate, doubts, hope, love, insecurity, trusts, etc, we felt that all during that time. U left me during the most critical time =.= when i knew that u're not mine anymore and that u had someone else, i sorta flunked my degree and rush back asap. That's when we 1st slapped each other =.=
2 months later i remember i sms u about something and u replied saying that u wanted to see me. U have no idea how happy i was. We got back together after sometime, but the things u did really left a deep mark in my heart. I was so focused on revenge and you had no rights at all in my heart. I treated u badly and even got another girl. I was glad i picked u in the end. But my way towards you haven't improve and you left once more.
During that time, I never realized that i would feel so horrible when u left again. I started chasing you back like a mad man. Put alot of effort in it just to get you back again. Didn't know that u'd actually come back. Made a promise never to mistreat u again.
We got together just fine for a few months until something came up again =.= guess i expected too much from you too fast. Scolding you with vulgar words, hurting you and i never realized it. You left again, and this time i guess this is it. Nevertheless, i still chase after u like crazy =.=||| gotta admit, if not for this break up, i would've never learn my lesson. During the months we were apart, i learn the biggest lesson in life and i wrote it down "the 30 days without my baby". Finding ways to improve myself in hope that u'll come back one day. Guess what, we got back together again after all the flowers, all the surprises... girl, you're hard to get back u know that? but its all worth it, to see ur smile, to hear ur voice, to have you by my side again.
We really did change ever since the 1st time we meet each other huh baby? i never used vulgar words against u anymore and you automatically changed ur temper for me. I was very happy being with you. Then things started happening again *urgh*. I guess i was too focus on my work trying to make a brighter future for both of us that i forgot about ur existence. Neglected you in a way and never realized that u're all alone at home. When u needed me i wasn't there. When i started realizing, preparing for the surprise of ur life, i was too late.
So here we are, apart from each other once more. My only regret was that i never get to treat u the way i should, the way u wanted. Guess the chances of getting you back are slimmer than before.
Its been 3 and a half year now haven't it baby? alot of happy memories and painful memories lingers in our heart and mind. Missed those days we use to laugh together, go out together and do things for each other. I've learn my lesson baby, would you give me another chance? *sigh*.... if i have the chance to do it all over again, it'll be so different.
Here's a song i've been listening to, dunno if there's any meaning to it for ya'll, but it sure is meaningful to me...
Akon - Keep You Much Longer
"Keep You Much Longer"
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could stop by
And maybe say hi
Wish I could jus stop by
And lay by your side
The tables have turned
And I've finally learned
That this is makin up for every day I was gone
And that's why I'm concerned
But now it's confirmed
That you spread your wings and learned to fly all alone
Darkness in the night
I'll find that light for you
As long as I got eyes
I'll have a sight for you
Long as I am alive baby I'd die for you
I wanna be with you
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could stop by
And maybe say hi
Wish I could jus stop by
And lay by your side
You're always on my mind
While I'm racin
While I'm paper chasin
You were there when I said one day I'd get up out that basement
Playin as my agent
For you, there's no replacement
You will always be my girl
And you can hold me on that statement
Darkness in the night
I'll find that light for you
As long as I got eyes
I'll have a sight for you
Long as I am alive baby I'd die for you
Wanna be with you
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could stop by
And maybe say hi
Wish I could jus stop by
And lay by your side
Baby I know you
And how we do
Doin exactly what I taught you
Gotta get that money first
Before you come spend that precious time with your boo
And I know I gotta just take it
Even though it's drivin me crazy
Always wanted to see my girl make it
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could keep you so much longer
Wish I could stop by
And maybe say "hi"
Wish I could jus stop by
And lay by your side
Wish I could keep you much longer
I know you gotta go cuz you got things to do
Wish I could keep you much longer
Now you to busy for me girl like I was to you
Wish I could keep you baby
I just wanna keep you longer
How i wish to keep you longer in my arms. Waking with you by my side everyday. Eating together with you on every meals.
Come back soon baby, i miss u alot... <3
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