New verse 5 - What else can i do?

Yesterday, i was talking to one of my fren and here are part of our conversation:

her: do u know how to love?

me: i dunno, i do i guess?

her: no, u don't...

me: .......... what makes u say that?

her: cos u're starving urself ever since i meet you a few weeks back. u've been so emotionally down. sure, u can talk straight, make sense in what u say, know what u should do and what you shouldn't, but u're still being controlled by ur emotions. and your emotions, ur feelings are saying "get her back, even if u have wait a year or 2, just get her back". I understand that you love her, but do u think u can love her properly even if u got her back now?

me: i can, just as long as she's back, i would feel so... (she stops me here)

her: don't lie to yourself wingz, u have this thoughts of treating her better, treating her good and everything. but didn't u realise? everything you do is about her, her, her... If i were ur gf, i would probably feel that u're too sticky. What i'm trying to say is, if u love her, let her do wat she wants and just catch her when she falls. Isn't that what u said in ur blog? In order for u to love her properly if she ever comes back, 1st u must learn to love urself.

me: u could've just said that u know? =.=||| no need to go through all this talks.

and we continue yapping =.=.

Lesson learnt? nothing basically... it just reminded me about her. About the time we spent together, laughing and holding hands. I browse through the pictures i took with her. I can't believe its all over. Really, why does she have to leave?

Later that day, we touched on this topic.

me: bla bla bla... cos i hurt her and she needs a time out from me.

her: yea, a time out, so why did she leave?

me: she says she dun wanna come back to this hell hole. waiting for a guy to come home every nite.

her: ur gf, sorry, ur ex, is just too young, immature.. a time out is a time out, every couple have that once in awhile, specially when everything seems to just go so wrong at times. But a break up? ridiculous~ have u ever cheated on her?

me: no, but thinking back, there're words that i used that hurt her i guess..

her: that's why she's immature, she should understand that words aren't everything. I said i hate my ex alot of time too, i even called him a bastard. If he takes my word seriusly, then what about my actions when i'm with him? the time we kiss? wow! i'm kissing someone i dun even love. I must be a whore then?

me: lol... u dun have to go into that extent =.=

her: do u get my point now?

me: yea, i got it ^^, i'm sure she'll be pissed when she hear u saying that she's immature. hahaha...

me: i understand wat u're trying to say, but understand that she's only 19, yea... maybe immature abit, i am "immature" too, but i can't blame her rite? me being 24, i should know better and treat her better. Break things down to her gently... I know she's very fragile and yet, i handled her so roughly =.=

her: stop blaming urself wingz.

me: i'm not, we all make mistakes, i'm not saying that she's all rite too. i'm just saying that i'm learning from this that's all...

-end-

Just for my viewer's info, the sentences above are translated from mandarin language and some mixed english. The exact words might not be there, but the meanings are more or less the same.

To my fren: dun blame me, u dared me to blog it remember? =.=

Anyways, lesson supposed to be learn from all this is "learn to love yourself before you love others" am i rite? =)

I've been loving myself really.. Been going to gym, been eating healthy food. Tho i must admit i dun have the appetite to eat every time i thought of her, or rather, thought of us being together in the past. The days we spent on every occasions, Valentine's day, Anniversary, Birthdays, Chinese new year, and so on... Its really unforgettable and it'll always remain in my heart. But yea, i've been eating even when my appetite is in an all time low.

Cant explain how much i miss her anymore, Cant be bothered to think about how long more must i wait for her to come back. But i'm sure, like most people say, time is still ticking, i'll have to move on one day too. I gotta make a success in my career 1st else things wont change even if she comes back. Its just too bad she's not by my side going through all these changes with me. I understand, its hard for her, painful and everything, i wouldn't want her to go through it with me either. So i'll go through it myself and i'm keeping my promise baby, I'll catch u if ever u were to fall...

152 <3