New verse 3 - What am i hiding?

Had a very bad conversation with her yesterday. We quarreled over facebook. Imagine that =.=.

The problem with her is, she dun change at all. Instead of understanding and forgiving, she still think she's right all the time, scolding with vulgar words and stuff.

Read her blog too, but i guess i wont be anymore from today on. She seemed very happy, the way she blog also seemed very happy and everything. But i know her. (*i think)

Yea she's a sweet girl, but once things dun go her way. Watch out.

She said someone "sucks balls". I gotta say WOW! that's a new word. Guess the one not changing at all seems to be someone else. *sigh

I've gone through that, tried to settle it with her in a nice way before and it didn't worked out, guess she feels powerful when i'm like soft and tender, and i feel powerful when she's like soft and tender too. Something i think both of us should learn better.

I know, after all the things i put her through. Trying to change her bad habits aint working at all. When we're together, she dun usually say "fuck, suck" and other shits even when she's mad. Guess when u caged a tiger up too long, It'll go wild once u set it free.

Remembered the time when we're so in love, things seems to be working out just fine. We're willing to try to understand each other and work things out. We change for each other, trying to suppress those bad habits. But i guess i've made a mistake. I should've accepted it that way instead of changing it. So, i'm sorry i guess?

She forced herself to forget me for a month, while knowing that we should just sit down and work things out. I dunno wat to say to that actually. But i guess she dun love me? or maybe she wanted something new in life again. Leaving me was the right choice, she kept repeating to her self. But issit really?

I used to think, even until now, that letting her go was the right choice. But sometimes, i still think otherwise. Not all girls are like her, sticking with u everywhere u go, loyal, and loving. I know she's the best girlfriend i could ever had in life, just as long as i treated her with proper care.

I guess i wasn't mad reading her blog, but rather, sad and hurt.

In her mail, she said alot of "thank you", nice words and sounded very reasonable in a way. But after reading her blog, i'm beginning to think that she's still just the way she was. Just wilder.

Issit me or is she hiding something in her heart still? I just can't help but feel that way. Maybe i was too close with her for too long.

Well, i have something i've been hiding. No point saying it now, guess i'll just have to accept the fact that she's gone now.

Just 2 days ago, i had a chat with my fren. He said "u build a bridge hoping to cross it with her. Now that the bridge is finished, she's gonna cross with someone else", and he laughed.

I told him, I'm the one that build the bridge, i'm the one with the experience now, so maybe next time, i can build it faster and better and cross it with either her or someone else i love in the future ^^.

Had another chat with a fren today. He said "if you love her, u wished for her to be happy rite?" i answered "yes". Then he said, if she's not happy with you, what would you do? i answered "i'll change. just as long as she tell me the problems. as long as we get to sit down and talk it over properly, i'll do anything for her". Then he asked again "so what if after all the changes and she's still not happy?". I was speechless for awhile and below are my conclusion:

* Everyone change for the better. But if one changes and the others don't, it wont work. It require both to change, to think in a more mature way. Its called growing up together. If it doesn't work, means there's something wrong.

so what could it be?

Changes take place when one knows each other's mistakes and only after proper communication will changes be effective. Else, it wont... * -end-

They say when u're lazy, love fades. I admit, i was lazy. I used to love talking to u so much. Not being able to hear ur voice for a day, i'd die. But as time goes by, pressure started to build up, i'm concerned about the wedding i'm suppose to give u, concerned about the things i should've bought u, concerned about the promises that i've made. I kept all these to myself, hoping that u'll realise. I should've known better and just talk it out with you whenever we're together. Just like how u kept ur feelings to urself baby, u should've talked it out with me. If i aint serius, scold me and get me serius baby, cos i know u love me then. We could've been together for many more years to come, getting happier and happier if only we had communicated properly. Maybe its my fault, i'm the elder one, i should know better how i should communicate with you baby... I'm sorry.

If our communication after this break up will work out, will u come back then?

Baby, i really dun like it when u say those vulgar words when u're angry. I'd really prefer it if u could've just reason it out or at least try to control it? =). Not only will this benefit me, but urself as well. But no one is perfect like u said.

I guess I love the perfection of your imperfections.

152 <3